Managing marriage

By KIMBERLY SNIDER
THINK A MINUTE

THINK a minute.

Did getting married solve all your problems and make you completely happy? Did you know that it’s not supposed to! In fact, if you’re not a happy person before you get married, then you’ll still be unhappy after you’re married.

In marriage, two people come together and combine not just their strengths and assets, but also their problems. So married life can become even more complicated.

Someone said: “Marriage is like getting a phone call at midnight: first you get a ring, then you wake up!”

So when marriage does not fix our problems, many of us blame marriage or our spouse. We think that changing our spouse or outward circumstances is going to solve our problems, including our marriage problems.

So we get a better job, more money, a nicer house, even move to another country. But the problem is: wherever you go, there you are! Even if you get a different wife or husband, a different job, or a new house, the person you are inside is still the same.

Many unhappy marriages may stay together under the same roof, but they actually live separate lives. They’re like “married singles”: he does his thing, and she goes her way. So their marriage becomes just a financial arrangement with no real love, communication, close friendship and happiness.

But until we stop blaming our wife or husband, or our outward circumstances and we ourselves change, our marriage and life won’t change either. As one wise man put it: “No clever arrangement of bad eggs ever made a good omelet.”

A good omelet can only come from good eggs. And a good, satisfying marriage can only come from two giving people who love, accept, and put the other one’s needs first before their own.

I cannot change my spouse’s personality and ways, and neither can you change yours. But if you let Jesus Christ start changing you first, then after some time your wife or husband may also want to start changing.

So why not be the first one in your marriage to say these words and really mean them from your heart: “Lord, please change my marriage into a happy, satisfying one. And start by changing me first.”

Just think a minute.